I was led by the Spirit

Sunday’s Gospel (First Sunday of Lent) comes from the Luke 4: 1-13.

The Gospel story centers on Jesus in the desert.

Before Jesus begins His 3 year ministry, He goes into the desert to pray and fast for 40 days.

He goes into the wilderness to grow stronger in mentality and spirituality.

By the 40th day, Jesus is finished with his experience in the desert.

He is very tired and very hungry. It is here that Satan sees his chance to attack Jesus.

3 times, Satan tempts Jesus with power, comfort, and pride.

Satan tries to confuse Jesus by using Scripture.

But, each time Jesus rebukes Satan and counters his attacks.

Jesus says no to hunger.
Jesus says no to riches.
Jesus says no to pride.

Each year, Catholics go through a similar experience in “the desert”.

The 40 days before Easter are called the Season of Lent.

During these 40 days, Catholics and Christians alike give up a vice or something they enjoy or they do more of something such as a virtue.

It is a sacrifice, but sacrifices make you strong because we’re giving up of ourselves for our love for Christ and in honor of His sacrifice on the cross.

In the end, it is the hope of the Christian that he or she will exit this desert experience stronger in the faith just like Jesus did in the wilderness.

My Story

My return to Benedictine College this semester has given me alot of time to think about my experiences “abroad”.

Last spring semester, There were many times when I would come to Adoration and pray.

During prayer, I kept on getting the feeling that I needed to leave. I didn’t know why, but the thought of attending Benedictine next fall didn’t sit well with me.

It hardly made sense too since I had everything at BC. (Friends, Good academics, extra-curriculars).

But, in April, I made the decision to transfer to another college because of “my major”. In my head I thought I would switch from Elementary Education to Exercise Science.

I guess, I was being “led by the Spirit”, haha

And so, beginning in August of 2012, I began my semester at my new college.

For a while, I thought this college was the right fit for me. I enjoyed my classes, the people around me, my proximity to home, and of course the cafeteria food! lol

However, soon things began to turn for the worse.

I began to discover that things at my new college weren’t not as good as they seemed.

It started to become more and more difficult to be a good person.

There were 3 things that attacked me.

Drugs, Sex, and Alcohol.

I would have defend myself with sobriety, chastity, and excellence.

Just as the Devil tempted Jesus 3 times, I was tempted by 3 main things on many instances.

When I first arrived, I instantly fell into drinking alcohol. Although, I never got drunk, I was still drinking under age on a dry campus.

The worst thing though was that I really loved the taste of alcohol. The more I drank the more I wanted it and the harder it was for me to stop drinking.

Ultimately though, I gave up drinking or at least waited till my 21st birthday.

Later on in the semester, I experimented with smoking. Now, I only smoked Hookah, but still in my mind I shouldn’t have smoked it, especially since it made me really sick that night and the next day.

That night would prove to be my first and last time smoking hookah haha.

Finally, I was tested with the luring desires of lust.

One night, I had the chance to sleep with a woman. It was so perfect. She had fallen asleep on me. All I needed to do was do the same.

However, the Lord was with me then.

There were 2 defining factors that helped me to uphold the dignity of the woman.

1) I have to take a sleeping pill in order to fall asleep. Without it, it is nigh impossible for me to doze off…no joke. I have really bad insomnia if I don’t take it now.

Anyway, I hadn’t taken it that night, so although I really wanted to sleep with this women who had fallen asleep on me, I physically couldn’t unless I got up and took the pill.

2) My passion for respecting the woman as an individual and not an object was stronger than my passion to use her for my selfish desires.

It was probably only 5 minutes that I sat on my bed contemplating on what to do, but it seemed like 5 hours in my mind.

It was my will versus my irascible passions.

I fought between letting her sleep with me and waking her up.

It was one of the most difficult battles I’ve ever had….internally.

But in the end, God saved me and her. I chose to wake her up and walk her back to her room.

Now all of these temptations happened throughout the semester.

What really made it worse on top of all of that was that I didn’t have the availability to go to daily Mass, pray in the chapel, or speak with religious monks like I did at Benedictine.

All I had was myself and God.

The Catholics on campus were Catholic in name only.

The Newman center was mediocre at best and they wouldn’t let me take command of it.

However, the toughest thing or most sad thing were the compassion of the students.

Sure, there were nice students, but their generosity was limited depending on who the other person was and what they could provide them in the end.

I felt so lost there, surrounded with people I could hardly trust, surrounded with people that only cared about me to a point.

This made me so lonely on campus. This was definitely a desert experience.

However, in November, I decided to return to Benedictine for a visit.
I intended to just make a visit and I left with papers to return back next semester.

When I was there, I felt called to return back to BC and return back to my old major of Elementary Education.

Now, as I’m writing this, I couldn’t be more happy to be back. For the exception of a few number of people, I don’t miss my old college at all.

However, if God asked me if I could go back to last spring semester and have the decision to leave or stay at Benedictine, I would most definitely make the same decision to leave.

My desert experience like Jesus’ was a miserable and hurtful time, but in the end, Jesus and myself exited our deserts as “new men”, prepared for our future ministries.

“Do not lie to one another. Strip yourselves of the old man, with his deeds, and clothe yourself with the new man, who has been renewed by knowledge, in accord with the image of the One who created him,”
~Colossians 3:9-10