The Core Foundation of Love

A common theme among young people is love and relationships.

It seems that everyone who knows eveyone is either in a relationship, looking for a relationship, or ending a relationship.

There are many reasons and theories why a man longs to be in union with a woman and why a woman desires the same dream.

A common problem I see in the world is that there are so many relationships that break up and never last.

I always wonder why this happens and I’ve come up with many different ideas.

One in particular is that people do not know themselves, let alone know the person they are dating or even married with.

There exists an never-ending journey of finding oneself. Eventually, there comes a time in a person’s life when they can say they know who they are, what defines them, what they’re good at, what they’re bad at, what they like, what they dislike, and what they believe in.

The funny thing about all of this is that you are never done discovering who you are because over time your interests will change a bit, how you percieve the world is altered, and various other things.

One thing that doesn’t change though are your core values and beliefs.

Once you find these, these will stick with you for the rest of your life.

If you don’t have a common core of beliefs it’s pretty hard to know yourself and be self-confident.

This is where trouble occurs in relationships.

There’s a temptation in everyone to place one’s happiness in another person rather than a Supreme Being such as God.

Speaking from a Christian’s perspective, if I didn’t have God in my life, I would have a heck of a time keeping a lasting relationship with someone.

Although, I’m a practicing and devote Catholic Christian, I have struggled with romantic relationships in the past and at times I still do.

Here is what I noticed in myself

- I placed my happiness on the other person. If I wasn’t with that person, I was miserable the rest of the day.

- If I wasn’t approved by the other person, I felt like a was a terrible person and doing something wrong.

- I always feared that the other person wouldn’t love me, if I didn’t do something for them.

- No matter how much I gave of myself and how much time I spent with them, the good feelings never lasted and I was left at the end of the day feeling empty inside.

After many years of this, I came to the conclusion that I needed to change my life around.

I took a break from any type of relationship with a woman and devoted my time primarily to the Lord.

Each day, I would spend time in prayer, conversing with God about my day, the highs and the lows, my dreams and my goals, and ultimately the pains and the hurts of past relationships.

After much prayer, I become stronger and healed.

I opened myself to the Lord, allowing Him to fill me with His love and grace.

Whenever I felt lonely, I went to Him.

Whenever I felt discouraged and had negative perspectives of myself, I went to Him.

Whenever I just wanted to be in a dating relationship with a woman, I went to Him.

This process was a difficult and painful one in the end, but I exited this metamorphosis of sorts, as a new and empowerd man.

Not only did my relationship with God improve, but my relationship with Mary, Mother of God grew at expiated rates.

Through my conversations with Mary, she led me to her Son, filling me with an abundance of the Holy Spirit.

What’s next?????????

I have a great love for others.

My family.
My friends.
My aquaintances.
My brothers and sisters in Christ.

Now, the next time I enter into a dating relationship with a beautiful sister in Christ, I will be able to love her completely and fully in an altruistic and self-disciplined manner.

I can do this because I allowed God to fill my heart first, casting, molding, and polishing my soul so that I can love others, especially women with a love that imitates God’s love for all of us.

For all men, look upon Mary as the cornerstone of what to search for in a woman.

“Therefore, when Jesus had seen his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing near, he said to his mother, “Woman, behold your son.” Next, he said to the disciple, “Behold, your mother.” And from that hour, the disciple accepted her as his own.” John 19:26-27

For all women, look upon Jesus as the model of what to search for in a man.

“He who holds the bride is the groom. But the friend of the groom, who stands and listens to Him, rejoices joyfully at the voice of the groom. And so, this, my joy has been fulfilled.” John 3:29

“Then the kingdom of heaven shall be like ten virgins, who, taking their lamps, wnet out to meet the groom…and those who were prepared entered with him to the wedding, and the door was closed.”
Matthew 25: 1, 10

The essence of love is the cross

3. “Love in Its Most Radical Form”

What, then, is the essence of love, that love which Christ first gave to us and which he in turn demands of us as his followers? “It is characteristic of a mature love that it calls into play all man’s potentialities; it engages the whole man, so to speak. Contact with the visible manifestations of God’s love can awaken within us a feeling of joy born of the experience of being loved. But this encounter also engages our will and our intellect. Acknowledgment of the living God is one path towards love, and the ‘yes’ of our will to his will unites our intellect, will and sentiments in the all-embracing act of love” (Deus Caritas Est, no. 17). As Pope John Paul the Great has phrased it so many times, true love is the gift of one’s entire self.

http://catholic.net/index.php?option=dedestaca&id=7833

 

A common topic my friends and I have had focuses on love.

The most phrased question that arises above all of them is this….

“What is true love?”

There’s a misconception that love is all about warm feeling inside and the hugging, kissing, and various other things that people associate love with when they open a “Hallmark” card.

However, love is not merely a feeling, it is a decision, it is an act of the will.

True love is placing the needs of others in front of thy own and wishing the best for them even if that excludes thyself.

This is true love. This is the type of love that is exemplified by Christ and the cross.

When one looks at the cross, many emotions can be brought about.

Sadness, despair, and other emotions associated with pain and suffering, but how many people think of love, thanksgiving, and rejoicing?

Christ’s sacrifice on the cross is a sad event, but it’s also a very joyful event.

Think of it? Christ loved us so much that he was willing to die for us so that we could have eternal life in heaven.

Jesus broke the bonds of original sin, allowing all peoples to have the opportunity to gain access into those pearly white gates!

He died for those before Him, those that were present with Him, and those that have yet to be born, people like you and me.

Jesus didn’t necessarily want to die on a cross for us, but He knew this was the way that had to be done, in order to win our salvation. 

Jesus made this decision not by emotion alone, but by His will.

His desire for our salvation was greater than His desire to live.

The Cross is truly the essence of love.

The source.

The foundation.

The entity.

This is the love that each of us must practice during our lives on earth.

To be self-sacrifcing for the betterment of others.

Now, doing this with friends and family is sometimes difficult.

Doing this with complete strangers is more difficult yet.

Doing this with those that we love seems nigh impossible.

But this is the love that keeps marriages together.

This is the love that fuels the relationship that man and woman have between each other.

However, before marriage, you must go through dating relationships.

Dating relationships are not always guaranteed to last, but in our hearts, humans have a tendency to not want to let go.

But, sometimes, the best things you can do is to let the person go. Let him or her receive freedom that they would have never had if they continued to be with you. Not to mention, the freedom you’ll experience by letting go. 

When one enters a dating relationship, they must have this in mind, that this dating relationship has the capability to not last forever. 

But remember this, when one dating relationship ends, another is bound to come your way when you’re ready. 

And this one will be even better for you.

Plus, think of this.

Maybe, this next relationship would not have happen if you had not have a previous relationship. 

Everything happens for a reason.

Everything is a stepping stone towards our betterment and ultimate fulfillment.

Yes, love is a feeling, but it is also a decision of the will.

True love hurts at first, but in the end will provide overflowing joy.

So now, whenever you find yourself in front of a cross or a crucifix, say to yourself, “The essence of love is the cross.”

 

 

“No eyes have seen, no ear has heard…”

Now imagine this?

An event.
An epic.
An apocalypse of sorts.

Which left men and women disadvantaged.
Or should I say God advantaged?

One day men woke up and they saw darkness.
A darkness so intense that the wider they opened their eyes to see, the thicker the blanket of black seemed to overlap their eye lids.

On this day men lost their pride.

No longer did it matter who had the biggest muscles.
No longer did it matter how tall you were.
No longer did it matter what you looked like.

Why?

No one could see anymore.
Men couldn’t judge other men by their physical abilities or physical features.

Men no longer could do as many things by themselves.

Men would need to rely on others and swallow their pride.
Men would need to swallow their pride with a glass of humility straight from the fountain of God.

In fact, on that day more men than all of history tore down their walls of pride, and replaced it with open prairies of confidence and trust.

Men came to God to receive their sight.
No, not physical sight, but a sight of direction, a sight of discernment.

On that day the men’s ability to listen began to strengthen.

Now when the men would walk outside and meet others they would listen.

They would listen to each other’s conversations.

When it came to women, there was a split between the men.

All the men that originally looked at women as objects lost their gem of beauty.

Men that swore and cussed would be lifted in the literary dusts of their conversations with women.

Eventually you would see men everywhere, serving, protecting, and loving the women.

Every woman was accounted for because the men no longer could ignore women that weren’t physically attractive to them.

In fact the only women that were ignored were those that were spoiled and self-centered, but that would soon change.

And then there were the women.

Instead of their sight being taken away, their hearing was taken away.

Although they could see, these women were in capable of distinguishing the difference between what was fashionable and what was not.

Every type of clothing was fashionable.

Revealing clothing was eliminated all together.

Since the men couldn’t see, there was no sense of woman needing to attract the men.

There was no such thing as gossiping either.

Since no woman could hear, gossiping about someone was useless.

In addition, these women were incapable of writing, so nasty notes of retortion ceased to exist.

Women had full confidence in themselves.

Women had a positive self image of themselves.

Every morning when women woke up, they would look in the mirror and confidently say in their mind that they were beautiful gifts from God.

In order for the men to communicate with the women, the men would write.

They would have to win the hearts of their women with their words, written words, not spoken.

The women in turn would speak to the men.

In all of this, the men lost their pride and learned to rely on others and to listen to others.

The women learned not to judge their fellow sisters in Christ and they leaned to respect their sisters in word and to have full self confidence in their bodily image.

Then one day, the men woke up and they could see
The women woke up and they could hear and see the differences in clothing and physical appearance.

And they were the happiest people you have ever seen, jumping with joy and praising The Lord Jesus Christ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was led by the Spirit

Sunday’s Gospel (First Sunday of Lent) comes from the Luke 4: 1-13.

The Gospel story centers on Jesus in the desert.

Before Jesus begins His 3 year ministry, He goes into the desert to pray and fast for 40 days.

He goes into the wilderness to grow stronger in mentality and spirituality.

By the 40th day, Jesus is finished with his experience in the desert.

He is very tired and very hungry. It is here that Satan sees his chance to attack Jesus.

3 times, Satan tempts Jesus with power, comfort, and pride.

Satan tries to confuse Jesus by using Scripture.

But, each time Jesus rebukes Satan and counters his attacks.

Jesus says no to hunger.
Jesus says no to riches.
Jesus says no to pride.

Each year, Catholics go through a similar experience in “the desert”.

The 40 days before Easter are called the Season of Lent.

During these 40 days, Catholics and Christians alike give up a vice or something they enjoy or they do more of something such as a virtue.

It is a sacrifice, but sacrifices make you strong because we’re giving up of ourselves for our love for Christ and in honor of His sacrifice on the cross.

In the end, it is the hope of the Christian that he or she will exit this desert experience stronger in the faith just like Jesus did in the wilderness.

My Story

My return to Benedictine College this semester has given me alot of time to think about my experiences “abroad”.

Last spring semester, There were many times when I would come to Adoration and pray.

During prayer, I kept on getting the feeling that I needed to leave. I didn’t know why, but the thought of attending Benedictine next fall didn’t sit well with me.

It hardly made sense too since I had everything at BC. (Friends, Good academics, extra-curriculars).

But, in April, I made the decision to transfer to another college because of “my major”. In my head I thought I would switch from Elementary Education to Exercise Science.

I guess, I was being “led by the Spirit”, haha

And so, beginning in August of 2012, I began my semester at my new college.

For a while, I thought this college was the right fit for me. I enjoyed my classes, the people around me, my proximity to home, and of course the cafeteria food! lol

However, soon things began to turn for the worse.

I began to discover that things at my new college weren’t not as good as they seemed.

It started to become more and more difficult to be a good person.

There were 3 things that attacked me.

Drugs, Sex, and Alcohol.

I would have defend myself with sobriety, chastity, and excellence.

Just as the Devil tempted Jesus 3 times, I was tempted by 3 main things on many instances.

When I first arrived, I instantly fell into drinking alcohol. Although, I never got drunk, I was still drinking under age on a dry campus.

The worst thing though was that I really loved the taste of alcohol. The more I drank the more I wanted it and the harder it was for me to stop drinking.

Ultimately though, I gave up drinking or at least waited till my 21st birthday.

Later on in the semester, I experimented with smoking. Now, I only smoked Hookah, but still in my mind I shouldn’t have smoked it, especially since it made me really sick that night and the next day.

That night would prove to be my first and last time smoking hookah haha.

Finally, I was tested with the luring desires of lust.

One night, I had the chance to sleep with a woman. It was so perfect. She had fallen asleep on me. All I needed to do was do the same.

However, the Lord was with me then.

There were 2 defining factors that helped me to uphold the dignity of the woman.

1) I have to take a sleeping pill in order to fall asleep. Without it, it is nigh impossible for me to doze off…no joke. I have really bad insomnia if I don’t take it now.

Anyway, I hadn’t taken it that night, so although I really wanted to sleep with this women who had fallen asleep on me, I physically couldn’t unless I got up and took the pill.

2) My passion for respecting the woman as an individual and not an object was stronger than my passion to use her for my selfish desires.

It was probably only 5 minutes that I sat on my bed contemplating on what to do, but it seemed like 5 hours in my mind.

It was my will versus my irascible passions.

I fought between letting her sleep with me and waking her up.

It was one of the most difficult battles I’ve ever had….internally.

But in the end, God saved me and her. I chose to wake her up and walk her back to her room.

Now all of these temptations happened throughout the semester.

What really made it worse on top of all of that was that I didn’t have the availability to go to daily Mass, pray in the chapel, or speak with religious monks like I did at Benedictine.

All I had was myself and God.

The Catholics on campus were Catholic in name only.

The Newman center was mediocre at best and they wouldn’t let me take command of it.

However, the toughest thing or most sad thing were the compassion of the students.

Sure, there were nice students, but their generosity was limited depending on who the other person was and what they could provide them in the end.

I felt so lost there, surrounded with people I could hardly trust, surrounded with people that only cared about me to a point.

This made me so lonely on campus. This was definitely a desert experience.

However, in November, I decided to return to Benedictine for a visit.
I intended to just make a visit and I left with papers to return back next semester.

When I was there, I felt called to return back to BC and return back to my old major of Elementary Education.

Now, as I’m writing this, I couldn’t be more happy to be back. For the exception of a few number of people, I don’t miss my old college at all.

However, if God asked me if I could go back to last spring semester and have the decision to leave or stay at Benedictine, I would most definitely make the same decision to leave.

My desert experience like Jesus’ was a miserable and hurtful time, but in the end, Jesus and myself exited our deserts as “new men”, prepared for our future ministries.

“Do not lie to one another. Strip yourselves of the old man, with his deeds, and clothe yourself with the new man, who has been renewed by knowledge, in accord with the image of the One who created him,”
~Colossians 3:9-10

You’re sexual desires are not something to fear

One of my favorite tv shows is “Avatar: The Last Airbender”.

I loved this show when I was in middle school and I still love watching the episodes today.

Although it’s a kid’s show, there are some deep understandings that are ground in the screen play.

One of them includes the steps Aang has to take on his way towards mastering firebending.

When Aang first learns how to firebend, he is instantly filled with excitement and adrenalene. However, in his excitement, he doesn’t pay attention to the direction and extent of his fire, ultimately buring one of his friends.

Throughout the series, Aang avoids any type of learning if it involves firebending.

He’s scared to try again, because of his previous experience.

He doesn’t trust himself, nor in his abilities.

Later on in the season, Zuko, once an enemy to Aang, becomes his friend and eventually becomes Aang’s ticket to mastering the art of firebending.

Zuko tells Aang that there is no need to fear fire. Yes, fire is a dangerous element, but in the right hands and with the right mindset, it can be controlled and do wonderous things.

In the end, Aang learns to firebend, completing his long journey towards mastering the 4 elements….especially firebending.

My Sexual Desires are like firebending?

Although, you may not be able to shoot fire out of your hands and feet, you do have another great gift, which are your sexual desires.

Your sexual desires in of itself are not bad. It is the way people have used them in the past, the present, and even in the future that have people thinking that anything related to sex is harmful and wrong.

God has placed these desires in each of us, both man and woman.

He did this for many reasons, but what quickly comes to my mind is love.

What else drives people to do crazy things?……It’s our desires of course!

Why would a man sacrifice and serve his wife and children.

Why would his wife and children do the same?

What cause men and women to enter the religious life, making vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience?

It’s all because of our sexual desires. It’s all because of love.

The love we have for each other.
The love that God has placed in our hearts.
The love that allows the beautiful gift of procreation between a man and a woman.
The love that never fails. aka. God’s love for us.

These desires, these passions can accomplish great feats if they are controled and directed by a sound and faithful individual.

The struggle though is that we all live in a fallen world, where we are not in control of our emotions, let alone our sexual desires.

This is the reason why there are cases of rape, incest, adultry, pornography, and pre-marital sex.

If we don’t stay close to the Lord and keep our passions in check, it opens the door for sin to come in and hold us in submission.

However, God has granted us a great gift. After the gift of life, God has given each of us, the gift of free will.

It is here where we have the ability to choose right from wrong, good from evil. This is where we show God our love for Him.

Yes, we will fail at times, choosing to do wrong, but God is an all forgiving and merciful God who is always waiting for us when we fail and ask for forgiveness.

There is no sin too great that God cannot forgive.

This is something that people fail to remember. It is so easy for us to convince ourselves that it’s all our fault and that there is no hope of redemption for ourselves.

Just like Aang and firebending, we must not be afraid.

We must not be afraid to express our love towards others, against the pain and suffering we have endured from past experiences.

By ourselves we will most likely fail, but with God we will surely succeed!

The passions and desires God has given us are a gift, a gift we will never know the full extent of while on this earth.

Speaking as a person who used his desires in the past for selfish reasons, I have gone through the trials and struggles that present themselves when one turns away from the darkness and walks toward the light of God.

Even today, I’m affected by the aftermath of my past, but I don’t let it stop me nor let them paralyze me.

Instead, I use these experiences to help others and focus on the positives, because God always brings good out of evil…always.

So, to you my brothers and sisters in Christ, in the words of the late great Pope John Paul II, “Do not be afraid!”

Happy Valentines Day!

With great power, comes great responsibility: The Choleric

So, if you’re reading this, I hope you’re familiar with Spider-Man as I’m going to use this as an example for my blog post.

So right now at my college, there’s something called the Leadership Seminar.

This event is a month process, where there is a seminar held once a week for a month.

The seminar is intended for all students interested in holding a leadership position for the next school year. (Ministry, Student Ambassadors, Freshmen orientation leaders, and RAs)

One of the things that the seminars touch on are temperaments.

The Ancient Greeks believed that each person had 2 of 4 types of temperaments, where 1 of the 2 are dominant to each other.

As for me, I’m a choleric-sanguine.

What this means is that I’m a person that takes charge and who likes to have fun all the time.

I have one of the most assertive and outgoing temperament combinations.

People with this type of temperament, in particular the choleric temperament, have made themselves great leaders….for good and for bad.

An example is Saint Paul, the apostle and missionary.

Before his conversion to Christianity and to Catholicism, Saint Paul was an avid persecutor of Christians. He was one of the most feared men of his time.

However, on that particular day en route to Demascus, Paul was struck by lightning and soon after converted to Catholicism.

Spider-Man

Just like in the Spider-Man movies, Peter Parker had a great power…maybe he was choleric????

I like the part when his uncle tells him that “with great power, comes great responsibility”

I love this quote!

His uncle couldn’t be more right.

Spider-Man’s abilities were unbelievable! With his talents he could do great good (defeating the evil villians and saving innocent bystanders) or he could do great evil (allowing Venom to control him and become an evil villain himself).

As it was with Saint Paul and with Spider-Man, both possessed great leadership abilities and power, but it was up to them to decide who to fight for.

Attention Passengers, please recline your seats and place your headphones on

Have you ever felt that you needed to escape from the world and take a break?

Well, I do…..on a usual basis.

One way I do this is playing music.

I love to listen to music. I usually listen to music on my way to class in the mornings and when I do my homework.

Actually, I probably have my headphones in more than I do without them haha.

Call me a moody person if you want, but music really helps set the mood I’m in.

I usually listen to Christian rap in between classes.

I usually listen to Christian music while I do homework.

I usually listen to Country music when I in the car.

I usually listen to Reggaeton when I’m getting ready for a party or a special event.

I love music! I love the beats and rhythms of the songs. I love the lyrics that ride along the melody and tone of the song.

I especially like listening to music when I’m not feeling good or I’m down on myself.

During this time, I place my auditorial devices into my ears and enter into another reality.

In this new world, it’s just me and the music.

I easily can drone out any problem I have or worrisome thoughts that linger in my mind.

During those times when it seems no one seems to understand my situation, at least the words I’m listening to understand me.

The lyrical words seem to know exactly what to say.

The tones seem to know what feeling I’m experiencing.

The rhythm seems to know what melodies I need to hear.

I love music, especially these past six months.

Music has become a great gift to me, offering an escape from the anxieties of this world.

My appreciation for the words and the melodies in songs has enhanced.

Ultimately, music has become a part of who I am.

I listen to music.
I understand the meaning of music.
I write music.
I live music.